I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
