I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
