if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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