My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
