why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
