Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This house was built for laser tag.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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