If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
