I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
