So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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