Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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