we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
