I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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