dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
