I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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