Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ass is underappreciated
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
