Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
