STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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