You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
