got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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