the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
