Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
