They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
