lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
