your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
