omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
