Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
