Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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