Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
