Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
