how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
