ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
