having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
