btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
