Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
