I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
