I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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