Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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