The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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