is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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