I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
