making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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