I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
