Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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