I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
