I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
