Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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