You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
