I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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