you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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