Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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