North Korea, Best Korea!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
