Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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