Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
