My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
