remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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