The maid of honor just puked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
