dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
