Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
