forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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